Could you be breaking your own heart without even knowing? Are you constantly searching for a magic “something” that no real human can live up to? Maybe you aren’t comfortable in your own life, so you live for the person you’re with. All of these behaviors can hurt those around you, but you are paying for it more. Let’s talk about three ways you might be causing your own heartache and why you need to stop.

Relationship Sabotage
The beginning of a new relationship is always a fun, exciting, happy time. You’re inseparable while you’re trying to learn everything about each other. There’s no fighting, just good laughs, hot sex, and long talks. You don’t realize that you are building a bond. This bond is the foundation of a more serious relationship. A little later down the line, you become more attached and might even fall in love. But, just before a serious transition in the relationship, like talks of moving in together, you find an excuse to break up.

This is a horrible behavior pattern, but like most it comes from a deeper place. Understand that your behavior isn’t just hurting yourself, but the people you become involved with. If you aren’t ready for a commitment, make it clear don’t just go with the flow of things. Maybe you should be single for a while to get to know yourself better.

You Lose Yourself
I will say that I love to date men who are my complete opposite. I am always fascinated by the challenge it presents and the interesting things I can learn. However, there is a flip side to this. If you aren’t completely secure with who you are living the life that you have, you can escape into another person’s world and forget who you were before you met. There is a difference between being open minded by stepping out of your comfort zone and completely living for someone else.

While it is natural to protect oneself from harm, vulnerability and closeness with another person are natural too. You can ease into a relationship, no one expects you to give 100 percent of yourself on the first date. You may become super successful and have a million cool hobbies, but you will eventually want someone to share it with. Stop saying you’re too busy for love, nobody believes you.

Relationships are scary. They are scary if you’re a complete stranger to love, and they are scary when you have loved several times. There’s always a risk of having your feelings hurt and your heart stomped on, but there’s also a chance of two people changing each other’s lives for the better. Both scenarios help you build character. Fear is a complete handicap. Don’t break your own heart because you’re afraid someone else will. You can’t win at that game.

If you notice that you are only spending time with your partner’s friends, their hobbies are now yours, and people close to you are looking more and more like strangers, you need to take a step back into your own reality. Couples naturally pick up bits of each other’s style, but it isn’t healthy to do so to the point where you don’t know who you are without them. You don’t have to break up, but remember that great nights out with your posse will balance things out.

You’re Too Busy for Love
Maybe getting over a broken heart is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do and you can’t bear to send yourself down that road again. You might even have trust issues from an incident that you never speak about. Whatever the case is, you always make the excuse that you are too busy because you think it is safer to be alone. You avoid feeling lonely by working too hard, falling asleep early, and hiding your smile.